Her Mourning Eyes
Code blue…code blue…room 305… code blue, room 305 … was announced over the hospital loudspeaker… it was 6am, I was coming to the end of a night shift in CCU, it was my turn to be a first responder. “I’m going, I’m going” I yelled to the charge nurse as I was jumping out of my seat. I ran out the doors and turned left to the stairs, it was just down one floor. The hall was dimly lit and deserted until I reached room 305.
On entering the room- I saw the floor nurse standing by the bedside with a hopeful look on her face, and the crash cart was at the end of the bed. “How can I help”? “Mrs. Karr was having difficulty breathing, so I called her Doctor… he ordered oxygen…and we put the head of the bed up but it didn’t seem to help… she was becoming more and more cyanotic… she said she was having chest pain… so I called a code”. The floor nurse answered, with panic in her voice. Mrs. Karr was having a difficult time sitting up. The bed was at its’ highest level… she was holding onto the side rails… but she was still wheezing and gasping for air. She was trying to find that perfect spot where she would be able to breathe easier and stop the chest pains. What I noticed were her enormous eyes filled with panic and fear. It is frightening to watch someone who is looking at death.
I realized at that moment that I had met Mrs. Karr several days before this episode, I was on day shift. As a CCU nurse you are sometimes called upon to put IV lines in patients that have difficult veins. When I walked into her room I saw a middle age woman with a very pretty face, dark black curly hair and a china white complexion. She was wearing a very stylish pink night gown… no ugly hospital gown. I checked her name band and her birthday with the order sheet.
“My name is Karen Miller and I need to restart your IV line”- her left arm was wrapped in a warm towel covered with a blue pad. “I see your last IV line must have infiltrated…well… let me see your right arm”. Trying to distract her I asked “do you feel up to a few questions”?
While we talked she became more comfortable and I was able to put in her IV line.
“I just returned from California, I had been visiting my daughter and her children … oh, we had such a wonderful time. Unfortunately, while I was at my daughters’ I hit my leg; I didn’t pay it any attention until after the plane ride home. Then I noticed my right leg was swollen, warm to the touch and it seemed inflamed. It scared the hell out of me- so I went to the ER and I was admitted immediately. I was put on bed rest and Heparin… I have compresses on my right leg to help the embolism… that is what it’s called, right? I nodded yes. “Now I will only have one free limb…I hate being sick and laid up, I do wish… I could see my family”!
You have every right to be upset… it stinks to be sick and in bed. Is there any family that could come and visit? “Yes” she hesitated, “I just don’t want to bother them”.
At the end of our conversation I asked her if I could call Social Services to come and talk with her… Mary Ann is on call … she is a good friend of mine; I know she would be delighted to come, sit and talk with you. You are sick, you deserve some TLC- let us take care of you!
I was brought back to the present… looking into her eyes, so full of happiness when she was talking about her daughter and now so full of dread. She did not want to die. By then the ER doc and respiratory care personnel had arrived. Suddenly, the light left her eyes… her body slumped back into the pillows.
I got the code board out; all in one movement we lifted her up and slid the board under her back we started CPR. Respiratory care was assisting the doctor to intubate the patient.
The arms that had been fighting for life just seconds ago were lying flaccidly on the bed; her skin was ashen and covered with sweat. The entire team was working urgently. New IV lines had been started to increase her blood volume, she was connected to a portable heart monitor which showed ventricular fibrillation, someone had taken up the mantle of keeping records of the medication and procedures, and I was getting the defibrillator paddles ready to shock her heart back into rhythm.
Out in the hall I could hear the breakfast cart, the smells- coffee and bacon with eggs… another day was starting.
Mary Ann had been told of the code and she poked her head in to the room, she saw frustration and sadness on everyone’s face. Mrs. Karr… died that morning… we were told later that it was a pulmonary embolism and there was nothing we could have done.
Mary Ann asked if I wanted to get a cup of coffee after my shift was over. We met in the coffee shop. You could smell the coffee brewing, hear the chatter of dishes, …everyone getting on with their work, talking about errands they had to run and reading newspapers… life going on… the world doesn’t stop. Mary Ann told me that she did meet with Mrs. Karr, was able to contact the family… and her spirit seemed much improved. Her family had been coming and going… visiting… and recalling cherished memories. Karen you should have seen her… her eyes just lit up the room.
I sipped my coffee and closed my eyes…
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